Hope You Are Having a Terrible Day

Goodbye, Readers!

It’s horrible to have to write to you again. If you’re all as dumb as I expect you are, then you probably don’t know that it’s Opposite Day…and by that I mean, it’s not Opposite Day because on Opposite Day you would say that something ISN’T in order to say that it WAS, right?

Er—I mean—wrong?opposite day

Okay, okay. Fingers crossed. Time out. This is getting too confusing. Let’s just talk with a little break from the rules of Opposite Day in order to say with absolute clarity that today is Opposite Day. This unofficial holiday is exactly what it sounds like: a day when up means down, yes means no, cold is hot, and summer camp is lame!

Of course, we don’t mean any of that! Summer camp is awesome! It’s just what we say because on Opposite Day, we say the opposite of what we mean.

Reminiscent of the ol’ fingers-crossed-behind-the-back trick that kids use when they mean the reverse of what they’re saying, Opposite Day is essentially an entire, hands-free day of having your fingers crossed. But don’t cross your fingers on Opposite Day—unless, of course, you actually want to mean what you say (like me for the last three paragraphs—I’m typing one-handed, by the way).

Some people ask, “How did Opposite Day ever get started?” And to that I respond, “Why is the sky blue?” And then they usually say, “Yeah…what’s your point?”

Well, the point is Opposite Day is a fact of life. It’s a part of nature. The flip-side of identical. Every positive charge has a negative and every day has a night. And, as the Yin and the Yang teaches us, you really can’t have one without the other. I think Opposite Day (while it may be a tad confusing at times) is a great reminder of the crazy world in which we live where the nonsensical and sensible stand alongside each other and laugh at logic.

On that closing note, I’ll uncross my fingers and sign this post,

 

Insincerely,

John

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